


Never and Always

by MercutioLives (orphan_account)



Series: Severance [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Drabble, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Marriage, Mind Meld, Same-Sex Marriage, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-22
Updated: 2013-08-22
Packaged: 2017-12-24 07:50:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/937433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/MercutioLives
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Parted from me and never parted. Never and always touching and touched.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never and Always

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a drabble prompt over on my [Spock blog](http://honourbothsides.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr. ("A memory my character has with yours that they’ll never forget + my character’s reaction to your character dying.") It got a reasonably good response (mostly along the lines of "HEY, FUCK YOU") so I decided I'd post it here. Translations for Vulcan words at the end.

No. _Nonono_. Not again. Spock could not go through this again, not now or ever. He tasted bile at the back of his throat as Jim’s pain rippled through their bond; their blood mixed into an ugly brown muddle where it combined. He pressed a hand to the wound that gaped in Jim’s side, hoping against all logic that he could somehow staunch the bleeding. All the while, he kept their bond open wide, sending love and comfort and _pleaseJimstaywithmefearloveJimJim_.

"Spock —" Jim’s voice rasped in the darkness, cut off by a gasp of pain. Spock smoothed his hair back and held him close; his head sagged heavily against Spock’s shoulder. It was only due to their proximity that Spock could see the blue of his bondmate’s eyes. They were fading, eyelids drooping and fighting to stay open: a fight they were losing. "M’tired."

"You must stay awake, _ashayam_ ,” Spock replied, a note of pleading to his voice that Jim had never heard before. His arms tightened around his captain, as though he could protect him even from death. “Jim, _please_. I cannot lose you again.”

A weak chuckle bubbled from between Jim’s lips, followed by a choking sound as blood ran down his chin. Spock wiped it away with his thumb. “S’okay… Don’t b’lieve in…no-win scenarios. ‘Member?”

"Vulcans do not forget." Spock’s voice was thick as he fought against the tears that rendered his already-poor vision blurry. He blinked, and they fell, dripping down onto Jim’s cheeks. Jim, frowning, reached a shaky hand to wipe his bondmate’s face; he only succeeded in smearing it with his own blood, streaks of red mingling with clear salt water.

"Tell…tell me a story, Spock," the captain mumbled, sounding far-away and only half-awake. "Somethin’ good." Sucking in a quivering breath, Spock nodded, unable to find his voice. Instead, he sent through their bond a series of memories, times when Spock had felt overwhelming love for his _t’hy’la_. He felt Jim’s body relaxing against his, felt the tickle of warm breath against his neck.

_They kneel facing each other, Jim in his dress golds and Spock in a traditional Vulcan robe. Spock lifts his hand toward Jim, first three fingers extended, touching themselves to Jim’s, which are extended in kind. “Jim, parted from me and never parted,” Spock intones, the faintest of smiles lifting the corners of his lips, “never and always touching and touched. We meet at the appointed place.”_

_Jim responds, grinning openly: “Spock, parted from me and never parted. Never and always touching and touched. I await you.” T’Pau, matriarch of Clan Surak, places her fingers on the meld-points of both men and speaks the ritual words, effectively bonding them. All that is left is to consummate the bond._

"Yeah," Jim mumbled into Spock’s skin as the memory faded out, "that’s a good one. You looked…real good…in those robes, y’know? Real hot." He mumbled something else, something unintelligible even to Spock’s sharp Vulcan hearing. Spock felt him fading, and a panic swept over him. He knew that he was being illogical, that there was no use in fighting against the inevitable. His words from their first meeting echoed in his mind, mocking him with their arrogance: _a captain cannot cheat death_. If only he had known then how this captain would change him.

_You must fight. I cannot let you go. I_ **will** _not. Please, Jim, do not leave me. I do not want to be alone._

"Not alone," Jim whispered, clumsily pressing their hands together. Spock laced their fingers, holding tight. "Parted from me…and never parted…"

"…Never and always touching and touched." With a gasping sob, Spock pressed the fingers of his free hand to Jim’s meld points, linking them together one last time. Jim’s presence within him, once so strong and warm, was now weak and struggling, fighting the current in typical James Kirk fashion. He never was the kind to give in without a good fight, and Spock loved him for it. He held tightly to his bondmate’s hand, as if by doing so he could anchor him to this side.

"Love you."

"And I love you, _k'hat'n'dlawa_.”

It could have been minutes or hours before Jim faded entirely from his mind; Spock couldn’t tell, even with his innate time sense. All he knew was that his _t’hy’la_ was gone, and he was empty and cold. The sun had fallen from his sky; he would never again be warm.

**Author's Note:**

>  _Ashayam_ : beloved (a term of endearment)  
>  _K'hat'n'dlawa_ : half of my heart and soul (considered archaic due to its emotional connotations, but I thought it was a suitable word for Spock to use as Jim was dying)


End file.
